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journal entry #2

What are we, if not little kids in an adult's body!

I mean I ask myself this a lot of times every day, without hesitation and I guess my inner child is so expressive and full of joy, it finds situations to grow on me and in me for the better. 

My inner child is a part of me I suppress quite often and efficiently, not because I’m scared but because I’m vulnerable however people closest to me, who make me feel nurtured and safe, who kindle my childish self are the ones who face a dose of it in literally everything. 

For instance, I was offered a very big opportunity at my workplace little to know the impact of it on my work profile. But it wasn’t something I was actively chasing but people working with me identified a potential within me and eventually proposed the idea to me.

Cynical and skeptical at the core of my existence, I went down my rabbit hole and did my intrusive thinking, mind you in spite of being chosen or being entrusted with the opportunity, I don’t understand how my mind is so clouded with self-doubt and such low self-esteem.  

Two hours of overthinking, analyzing the worst possible outcome, rethinking what if I met failure, what if I disappointed those that trusted me. For the next two hours, did my incessant call for help from my loved ones. Gained some opinions, but nothing helped, and then something happened.

This culminated in affecting the other parts of my life, things that are genuinely important to me and play an integral part in my day. 

Cutting the chase I'll directly get to what went right. A loved one bought me a gigantic bar of chocolate, a big Cadbury, like legit I was smiling cheek to cheek, grinning in joy. 

Perhaps, that was the only thing that could make me feel better today and I was the happiest. 

Sometimes I believe in the universe and it’s magic to choose and place certain people in your life that you can be the best version of yourself with.  

They know you, they keep you happy, and if they love you the most they buy you a big bar of chocolate like in my case :)


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