Happy? Social Media Day !

Hello there and welcome back !

Thanks for making it yet again :D

Today is 30th June, in case you've stopped keeping track of days and today is also what we call, THE SOCIAL MEDIA DAY.

Social media has been governing our lives, and in this lockdown we have been turning to social media for passing our time. Right since the dawn till we sleep, we regularly check Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Pinterest. 

So what if we couldn’t travel in this lockdown, we were travelling from one app to another. 

Facebook, is for keeping in touch with family & friends and to remember birthdays.

Twitter is for news mostly sensational,

Youtube is video entertainment,

Pinterest is for inspiration which begins and ends with the opening and closing of the app and 

Now we come to the social media app which seems like everyone’s favourite! INSTAGRAM! 

What started out as a photo sharing app; has now become a toxic place!

I feel it disguises itself with extreme narcissism, where everyone features to be the prettiest, richest and living the happiest life. 

Why does everyone just post about their happening, blooming and aesthetic lifestyle? It's literally so disturbing. 

Some days ago, I had a distraught breakdown where I was shedding tears and I was absolutely clueless, why was I feeling that kind? 

To forget about that, the next thing I do is cling to my phone and start scrolling through Instagram stories [too human of me right :)]. 

Lately I been following some bloggers, vloggers, content creators and to be honest, I'm envious of their lifestyle, how they brag about it day in and out. Every post of theirs is such a bandwagon effect of advertisements and campaigns! They are time consuming despite that I continue watching them. 

The story feature, is undoubtedly a clickbait and once you stumble upon it, there is no turning back. It's like a vicious cycle you are aware of but still get trapped in.

Recently due to excessive utilisation of social media and ofcourse lockdown, I've started to dislike all kinds of social media platforms. 

I see people being so productive with each passing day, venturing new activities and here I'm just doing futile things all day long. I have this constant suspicion about myself, if I am doing enough? If I will be able to compete with the virtual competition programmed in my little brain?

Well in psychological terms, I am faced with vulnerable narcissism where in, I am extremely self absorbed but with introspection and neuroticism. I consistently have negative feelings and want to understand my worth, the purpose of my life. 

I am so vulnerable, that even if a stranger walked up to me and called me a worthless person I  would be weeping, start evaluating myself from the eyes of the other person. Which later lead to contemplating over questions like:  Post lockdown,  how would I justify my lethargic behaviour?  How would I make peace with myself for being reluctant to do anything different during time, so copious?

I was afraid of feeling guilty and anxious once everything gets back to normal. It gave me sleepless nights!

I know it's very unreasonable of me but that's how I was and nobody could change that perspective of mine except my own self.

Hence, what I learnt was to; Seize The Day (Carpe Diem) that I had in hand and be appreciative of every little thing that most people were deprived of. I went off Instagram.

I was grateful for my life :) that life came to me as a second chance when I smiled back to people who loved me unconditionally. I was grateful for my self who was able to realise a problem, an ever growing issue of the mind and come out to ease itself and give it a second chance. 

All enough said and done, I was happy in my own sweet little world, cherishing the little yet beautiful things around me. I read, ate, drew, designed and slept peacefully. I was satisfied until and unless someone whatsapped me saying that they had sent me a meme which was quite hilarious. I experienced such a FOMO that in the blink of an eye, I installed Instagram, logged in, checked the meme and laughed my ass out, not on reading the meme but for what I had again called for the upheaval in my life.

Perhaps, I was just not happy with the life that made me love my self, I needed people to make me question my worth to keep me grounded.

 

Moral of the story: Follow me on Instagram. Atleast that would make me feel good, however believe me I'm not an attention seeker, I just think that I and Instagram are not in good terms with each other, it's sort of like a toxic relationship .

I feel, lockdown has been full of complexities for all of us, a kind of emotional and mental turmoil and I remember writing this piece called THE TOXICGRAM, a month ago for a write-up competition and no other auspicious occasion would be apt to post this than today. I know I sound a little disturbed all throughout the text but I penned it down amid a mental breakdown. For now I've honestly started practicing my detox days (a day when I uninstall social media apps). 

I am very well aware of how much of a hypocrite:-) I might seem right now, talking about being triggered by people who are being productive and then actually being one of them, Apologies for that in advance.

Don’t worry, we aren't chasing anything and everything has its due, so relax. (I hope I'm making sense). 

Of all this, I'm genuinely not neglecting the fact, how much of a great deal social media platforms have been for many people and for us too! Also it might seem like a rant solely pertaining to Instagram since I invest a lot of time in it.

Perhaps, I need to be more receptive of the positives and reconsider my perceptions.

Till then, share it with everyone because everybody is a part of social media and this day calls for its celebration. 

Hope you stay safe, be optimistic and once again, 'HAPPY SOCIAL MEDIA DAY' !

See you soon.

Love,

Gloria Mathias.